Blog by Diane Donovan-Vaughn 8/3/2019
For almost two years, I keep preaching for everyone to look in the mirror and say, “I am the love of my life” advice I got from the Ruiz family of shamans. Not only do I practice it as often as my mind allows me to remember to do it, but I teach it to all my clients. Love changes everything. Self-love reorders life and brings self-care into focus. It can change relationships, create new ones, alter occupations, change communication patterns, and heal family dynamics.
Among the myriad of results one can experience, this practice creates self-compassion. In fact, the self-love practice brings understanding of self-compassion to the forefront, making it possible to accomplish. Treating another person with love and self-respect, in fact cannot be easily accomplished when it is missing in the mirror.
As of Friday, five of the clients who practice looking in the mirror and saying, “I am the love of my life” have manifested their soul mates, a person who looks very much like the one in the mirror. Everyone one of these humans feels like a miracle is occurring because it is. Love in the mirror is now appearing as another human being, one never before seen in life until now.
When I was a young very codependent woman, I thought I was being helpful to others. Now, it is easy to see that my help was fearful and controlling. The first recognition, I ever had of this fact was early on when a parenting class taught me that maybe the child I yelled at did not understand that I love him. Of course, that was just the first alarm to go off and I did not really wake up. I improved but had no way to let go of fear and control for several more years. Real release from fear never occurred until I released an intense fear of death, which took very loud alarms and three significant deaths to accomplish for my sleeping consciousness.
Today, the alarm is sounding. Attachment is controlling, ultimately the mind trying to keep death at bay, loss from occurring and life from changing. It is an utter waste of time and energy. The bottom line problem with attachment is that it is a way the mind focuses endlessly on illusions. The alarm is going off right now to awaken. Look around mindfully at this moment in time and allow the moment to be what it is until the next moment, with loving self-compassion. If the moment is painful, one needs loving self-compassion. If the moment is neutral or blissful, one needs loving self-compassion. Let the good and bad be a moment and allow the eternal and infinite to be never ending love.
Remember to notice when the mind is talking, especially about someone else and about feelings and that it is almost never on track. Watch it as it strategizes ways to control the past and future, while ignoring the suffering that may be happening. Always move your attention to your suffering. Even then, the mind often takes out a sledgehammer and begins to judge with statements like, “You are too sensitive,” or “You shouldn’t feel this way.” In other words, the mind when judging another or you, is practicing attachment trying to control not only outcomes but also attempting to reverse time. Attachment to outcomes and reversing time are both a waste of time and energy. Mindfully direct attention to whatever suffering may be occurring, while sending loving self-compassion from your heart to yourself and to the source of your fear.
Remember, looking in the mirror and saying “I am the love of my life” might be painful in the beginning. It might be hard to remember to accomplish and it might take many reminders to finally have an ongoing believable practice. However long it takes, the consequences of the practice are miracles. It might take great effort to pay attention to your own suffering and to send loving self-compassion to yourself and it might feel like it takes super human effort to send loving compassion to the thorny people in the world. Fortunately, the result is always love because what you give you receive and there is no other. The love sent is the love received. The alarm is sounding. Wake up and choose love.
The selection today from Living a Life of Awareness by Don Miguel Ruiz JR. is titled “Self Investment” on page 58.
Ruiz said: “When you overinvest yourself in a relationship, you give your power over to it. Instead of going with the ebb and flow of life, you fight any change to that relationship whatsoever. A relationship that may have felt safe suddenly feels scary when you focus on not losing it.
“But the reality is that no one will be with you forever, except you.
“When you keep your energy focused on having faith in you, you will maintain your power and well-being. Calling your investment back does not mean that you do not value or cherish the relationship; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. You will actually find that you are able to be more loving and present with both yourself and those around you as you deepen your loving investment in yourself, because you have the freedom to respect each other’s free will. That respect creates harmony between individuals who love one another.”
Ruiz Practice: “With awareness, notice when you overinvest your energy in your relationships. Take a few conscious breaths and imagine that you are calling your energy back and returning it to yourself. With each exhale, imagine that you are releasing your attachment.”
Let’s practice again: Close your eyes. Take deep connected breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Place your attention on the center of your chest, deep inside the center of your being. Find the part of you that watches your thoughts, your emotions and the ever-changing panorama of life that your senses create for you. Take another deep breath and enter the silence within. (If your mind thinks or your body aches, fidgets or itches, just allow all the movement to drift by like clouds in the sky). Relax into silence like you would relax floating in water or on a cloud.
Take another deep relaxing breath as you become one with all that is, one with love and peace. It is enough. It is all there is. Love is who you are.